Oh god, telling my ex that I am HIV positive is one of the worst things I have had to do in my life. I have spent the past few days agonizing over how he was going to react.
A few years ago I ended an unhealthy 6 year relationship. At the time, I had taken all of the responsibility for it ending - I had cheated, lied, not been a very good boyfriend. Soon after, my ex got tested for HIV. The 5 days he waited for results were hell for the both of us. The entire time, I kept raving at me that he was going to be positive and it was all my fault. I heard this so much, I began to think it was true.
The day came for him to get his results--negative. He and I were completely overcome with relief. I wonder if this situation was to forshadow what has happened in the past week. Recently, my ex and I have had a couple of unprotected encounters 1 month and 6 months ago. In this last encounter, I did not finish inside of him... Since I tested positive, I knew I had to tell him.
This weekend I made several valid attempts to call him to no avail. Finally, I reached him yesterday and told him.
Me: Hey there
Him: What's wrong
Me: I tested positive almost 2 weeks ago
Him: Fuck You
Pause 2 seconds
Him: I'm so sorry - I was thinking only of myself
Me: I'm really sorry, I didn't know
Him: It's ok
The rest of the conversation went 1000% better than I had imagined. The end result is he is getting tested today and has never been more scared. This morning we spoke, and he apologized for not being more concerned about my health. I reassured him it is ok -- let's find out his initial status and go from there. Fortunately (or unfortunately) he and his boyfriend have not had sex since June, so the likelihood my ex infected his boyfriend is next to none.
Time to get on with my day and try to avoid all entertainment news. There is a downside to TiVo -- I have not watched the Project Runway finale, but the news on who won is all over the web. Wish me luck in avoiding it!